To:            Stephen Jones, Cabinet Office   
From:       Judith Cromwell, Director BOA

 

Stephen

I thought this might amuse you. Rumour has it that the Inquisition is spreading the tale that any member of the Occult Crime Squad found with it in his possession is threatened with disciplinary action. That sounds like a complete overreaction, if true, though even in my short time here I've come to view some members of the OCS as profoundly paranoid. Would it be cynical of me to suggest that some may be encouraged by their logo to act like the worst kind of cowboys?

Amusing as it is, it seems a lot more disrespectful to the Seelie Court than to the Althing – should I consider that a reflection of the respective power of the two organisations, do you think? Or might it simply be put down to the proportion of magic cases as opposed to Were cases the OCS have to deal with?

Oh, and by the way - you're absolutely right about Peter Robson. He's a complete treasure on all things Were. I hope he doesn't take early retirement - I need him.

Judith

 

"Inquisition Guide to Awful Weres & Eldritch" by P.C. Pixie

Brownie aka hobbit, hobgoblin
Nasty little characters often used to clear up crime scenes. This makes it virtually impossible for Scene of Crime Officers to find useful evidence. Mostly motivated by misplaced loyalty but many on the payroll of organised crime.

Elfhame aka Faerieland
Territory owned by the Seelie Court. Cannot be entered without an Order from a High Court judge and even then unsafe without a fay guide. This makes it virtually impregnable. The solution to many unexplained disappearances of suspect fay might be found here. One day.

Tuatha Da Danann (TDD)
The Irish gods. Pronounced tooha day dahnarn, or similar. See also Daoine Sidhe. Never talk to one alone, especially The Morrigan or Da Daghda. Don’t even think of contacting one without the authority of a senior officer. These people are highly connected trouble!

Da Daghda
Chief of the TDD. Sloppy dresser. Never leave a woman constable alone in his company unless you want her to be on maternity leave within 8 months.

Aesir/Vanir
The North Sea culture gods. On the whole, not a bad bunch (but avoid Loki at all costs. Or anyone dressed in a wide brimmed hat and cloak). Less trouble than the TDD but, like all gods, get straight onto the Inquisition if you find yourself talking to one. And never, ever, take an oath in front of Tiw. Not without top notch legal advice.

Loki
Snappy dresser, but might be found driving a battered mini as soon as some sporty number. Knows a lot of luvvies and hangs around with gods from all over the place as much as his own crowd. Known to frequent low life clubs. Don’t leave any officer alone with this one as he’ll talk his way out of anything. Has been known to use police cars if the keys are left in them.

Glamour
A particularly lowlife faerie trick of using magic to disguise themselves, usually as human. Can also be used to disappear into the woodwork. Literally. Always use a staff magician to locate them if magic suspected at any crime. Magic ointment also works, unless it’s a member of the Daoine Sidhe, for whom nothing except a senior magician is any sodding good.

Daoine Sidhe (DS)
Pronounced theena shee. Irish Elvish royalty. High Elves who live in minor palaces in mounds and lakes in Ireland. Servants of TDD who look after their property and business concerns. Slippery, streetwise customers with dangerous connections. Could be involved in anything and not be detected without highly expensive magic. Often well connected with the inner circle of the Seelie Court, if not in it themselves. Generally a drain on the budget if we’re to get any evidence on one of them.

Seelie Court
British Elvish royalty. Virtually unlimited legal and magical resources at their disposal. They administer their own justice, within agreed limits. Never to be interviewed without the presence of at least a Detective Superintendent. Treat with extreme care and never, ever, accept an invite to interview in Faerieland alone. People have been known to disappear for years that way.

Nemeton Sacred grove.
Usually oaks, but often yew or ash and can be any kind of tree. If one becomes a crime scene DO NOT ENTER without obtaining a warrant and serving on the Custodian or owner. Details of ownership should be posted on one of the trees. Owner may be one of the trees. Shares certain tricky attributes with stone circles, as it’s easier to get into one than get out, unless you have authority. There’s something about these things that cause confusion even in experienced officers, so always take a staff magician.

Unseelie
Very, very dangerous and never to be approached alone. Usually High Elves or other faeries who’ve gone bad. Most of them fall under the influence of the so-called Unseelie Synod, which is virtually an organised crime ring. Serious Crime squad is working on penetrating this group, but so far it’s proved impossible. Contact senior officers if you get any useful information on a suspected member. On the whole, much safer to leave it to the Seelie Court to sort out anything involving an Unseelie. A total bugger.

Eldormen/Thanes
The heavies in the hunts. A sympathetic Eldorman is worth his weight in gold for getting things done, as he’s got leverage over Thanes. An obstructive Thane is a pain in the arse, as they have access to good criminal lawyers.

Berserkers/Ulfhednar
The Big Bad Wolf of the Hunts, who want to treat you like you’re Little Red Riding Hood. Worse still, they’ve mostly got the brains not to do what they want to. And they’ve got the legal backup through their pack leaders. It’s not a good idea to kick them in the balls down a dark alley.

Wish Hounds/Gabriel’s Ratchets/Yell Hounds/Cwn Annwn/Wild Hunt etc
THEY DO NOT EXIST. If you hear them, leave the scene immediately and don’t return without assistance. But THEY ARE NOT REAL AND YOU WILL BE OK. Really.

Banshee
See under “Wish Hounds”.

Selkies, magic swans etc
Stupid buggers who keep losing their skins. If you find a skin, hand it in to Lost Property – DO NOT WEAR IT AND DO NOT USE IT SLEEP WITH THE WOMEN. Not unless you want the boot. It may be fun, but it’s not worth it.

Fimbulwinter
Bloody awful weather which clamps down as a result of magic. If you get a snowstorm in summer, it’s one of these. Break out the anoraks and watch out for trolls, as they hide in it.

Geas/geasa
Always offer to interview under geas, as well as a caution. Some courts will take note if a geas not to lie is refused. If interviewing the fay, always ask if they’ve got any existing geasa on them, as it can be damned inconvenient to come across one of these in the middle of an interview if you’re unprepared. Otherwise inexplicable and potentially suspect behaviour could just be the result of some damned geas. And never, EVER, allow one to be put on you. Remember: a geas is for life, not just for the investigation!

Moonfever
What Weres get at full moon. Don’t interview Weres with ‘fever: you won’t get much sense out of the buggers and you could end up damaged. And the judge won’t touch them for it if you do. Provocation, and all that rubbish. If you get an order to hold for questioning during full moon, the magistrate will extend until the fever passes.

Pentagram
Never, ever, enter one. Get the staff magician in to disable it. If you get caught in one, wait to be rescued, as you’ll find your radio won’t work. Neither will your watch. Neither will any damned piece of electrical equipment. So if you’re in one in a deserted house on a Friday night, prepare for a long wait. It’s your own fault.

© Alexa Duir 2006. All Rights Reserved.

He stood there looking uncertain, on the common under dark skies. For a moment there was no car; no farmhouse behind us; and no Sam. There was only Merlin standing in front of me, the cloak hiding his form, save for one black sleeved arm that held a staff that seemed alive.

Under The Skin



  

I wasn’t faking the anger I felt. But the upright hair on my hackles wasn’t entirely down to that. I was also scared shitless. Walking into that was like walking into a storm. Worse, almost immediately my energy began to leave me. I felt tired, and stumbled. As I did, I needed no smell to see the triumph on Black Jack’s face. For once, our gods were wrong, and had betrayed us. I howled my misery.

Remembrance Day

Deep in the forest glades they say,
That since I last came here to stay
A fine voice sings whose tone is fay,
And glimpses seen, of crimson gay
As in Camelot so grand.
But who hath seen this fairy maid?
And why should any be afraid,
Of something armed with fine brocade
Here in my dear Broceliande?

Merlin and Vivian

He pulled over onto the slight verge and we stared at each other. The reaction to what I’d smelled was both physical and emotional. I wanted desperately to change; to run; to fight in the fur. Just to be out of my skin. I hadn’t wanted to put my clothes back on. My teeth and hair had already slipped and I could feel the pressure at the base of my spine where my tail ought to be. What had happened inside was the greater change

Bloodline

This thing called sex, this thing called lust;
it's shown as need, as bump and thrust,
with hand on bum and hand on bust.

But in the fire's dim ember glow,
the shadows melt and sharp lines flow.
There bodies meet and passion know.

To Cass

And I was Michael, now, here. It was I who ran my thumb down the low werewolf hairline that half hid the misshapen tattoo. It was I who bent to kiss it and breathed her name. It was I who ran my hand down the curve of her body. The need for her was a pain inside me that had nothing to do with the physical urge. She was my wolf. My wolf. Beyond that, she was Isolde, someone I had not expected, and I would not give her up. Damn it, not for Declan; not for anyone.

Wyrdwolf

They make of me a monster, and of you a figure of fun.
They talk as though our times are past, as though our day is done.
But while there is still pain and strife, and while there is a lust for life –
Then e’er so long I am your wife,
Your other half

The Morrigan

To In Daghda

that was a form of Russian roulette with the odds stacked against me. Against us. On the basis of what we knew, Michael going to prison was the only certain way of neither of us dying. What a bleak choice.

Remembrance Day

I raised my axe and held fast, waiting for the inevitable. I had been through this so many times before, but each time was new; each was different. Each time was an assault I had to face alone. Cally had proved we could fail. Would this be my time?

Under The Skin

For if upon the host you light
and not with speed avert your sight;
their thrall shall fall upon you straight,
and twined with them shall lie your fate.

And as they ride, your soul be drawn
along their path, until with dawn
shall hie their host under the hill,
and go you too, whate'er your will.

The Faerie Host

What had the original Emrys had been like, the first Merlin? Not like this. But at some stage this is what they had become. Here, in his own house, energy seeped from him constantly, maintaining the plants and the property in a circle of harmony and peace. He was like a wire, connecting the land and the gods.

Wyrdwolf

Let nothing befear thee: let nothing befright thee;
The darkness has passed and dawn's glory is here.
The wingtips that brushed thee, are driven before thee;
The gods shall watch o’er thee, oh child of their heart.

The promise of Protection

What had the original Emrys had been like, the first Merlin? Not like this. But at some stage this is what they had become. Here, in his own house, energy seeped from him constantly, maintaining the plants and the property in a circle of harmony and peace. He was like a wire, connecting the land and the gods.

Wyrdwolf

The passage graves of Ireland and Scotland give us the most dramatic demonstrations of Neolithic culture in terms of communal industry, art, precise architecture and astronomy. Here we find grand structures built to such careful planning that the corbel roofs they created have survived to this day. This was allied with the ability to create the ‘light box’ in Newgrange or gap in Meas Howe to catch the sun at the winter solstice, or the equinoctial sunrise at Loughcrew. How were these great structures built? What was their purpose?

Stone Age Culture

I didn’t ask him where we were. From the fairy light adorning the surrounding hills, it had to be Elfhame. This was the land ruled by the Seelie Court and we were all trespassers.

Luck & Judgement

T’was at the Autumn equinox we all joined hand in hand
And we formed a great big circle and we chanted and we sang.
As there’s nothing going on just now and no one has a clue
Of what it is we celebrate, but that’s what pagans do

Oh it all makes a rite for the pagan-folk to do..

Song - The Wheel of the Year

“If you expect me to believe you can trace your family line back to the frigging Anglo Saxon period or beyond and you’ve all kept your heads down so successfully no one knows who you are, you must expect me to have been born frigging yesterday. And I’ll tell you something for nothing, sunshine – I was not born yesterday. Why the fecking hell would every generation in your frigging family want to keep hidden? It’s not as though you’re frigging -”
The word ‘Merlin’ hung unspoken in the air.

Remembrance Day

Sleek, sorcerous, with sulphur eyes,
Fierce-feral, dappled Bacchus traces
the silver threads of mortal lives;
He treads the spiral dance, he paces
the labyrinth of lost embraces.
Romance made manifest, he charts
The entrance to grimalkin hearts.

Summer Solstice

Max approached me slowly. Now it was his time he seemed reluctant to do what he had threatened for so long. Now that the time had come that I had dreaded, the fear lifted and I prepared myself to fight my mate as if he were a stranger.

Wyrdwolf

if the Inquisition or the Bureau ever found out I’d held this court, it would be a criminal offence. Enough to put me in jail for a while, and so kill me. That was the chance I took every time I made a judgement, and it wouldn’t stop me. Or perhaps, one day, it would. But at this moment, in this place, I would do what I was meant to do.

Luck & Judgement

the Spinner spins a crimson thread
ex nihilo, bred
of no body, blood
of no blood, running red
over the wheel, flood
of tears and wear and tear of years
and bitter woes that flesh inherits
but also joys, fresh merits and unmerits
which the body gives and earns
and which no angel ever learns
by only pure intelligence.

The Weaver

Both the wheel and the swastika – another version of it – were common symbols throughout Europe and Britain, and were associated with a sun deity. Numerous examples are found on dedications and grave goods. In Britain the swastika was particularly associated with the Anglo Saxon god Thunor. It is generally assumed that both indicate the solar cycle, and the rolling of a burning wheel at midsummer would occur at the turn of the solar year.

Article - Wheel of the Year

But the cloaks, amazing as they were, weren’t the most eye-catching thing: that was the staff. I had only glimpsed sight of that once, when Freya briefly gave me a true sight of Michael, five years ago at Aconbury. I’d completely forgotten about it since. More accurately, I’d assumed it didn’t really exist. Now here it was: about five feet of dark, twisting wood, carved with ram horned snakes that moved, topped by a perfect representation of an owl. It turned its head to study the visitors, wooden eyelids blinking.

Remembrance Day

Starlight has an athame, Wodenson an axe;
They all use force to thrust them into other people’s backs.
Dressing up in costumes, playing silly games,
Hiding behind free speech shouting out rude names.

Pagan Wars

Michael reacted instantly, thrusting out his hand to push her back from the circle occupied by the jinni. By doing so, she staggered, losing her balance. Jinn closed in on that part of the outer circle. Michael immediately reversed what he was doing, reached out, closed his fist and yanked back in towards himself, as though pulling in a rope. It was too late.

Under The Skin

It is said that in the Middle Ages Brittany was covered by the forest which was the Broceliande of Arthurian legend.  For those whose familiarity with such legends is bounded by British references, it may come as a surprise to know that the major medieval romances, including Malory, were entirely at home with Arthurian cycle taking place, to a large extent, in Brittany.

Brittany: of Megaliths and Merlin

Marilyn screamed as the blade drove between her and the mara. Or the mara screamed as the silver destroyed it. In that brief moment she was free I whispered to her that she could start again, start afresh. Live without it. But it was no good. I saw a new shadow approach through the walls to occupy her.

Bloodline

Of all the drink that I brought here, I drank it in good company;
And any harm you think I’ve done, alas was done to none but me;
And any harm you think you did, I thankfully now can't recall,
So fill with me the parting glass, goodnight and joy be with you all.

The Pagan Parting Glass

The sound of the gun firing was as much muffled by my flesh as by the silencer. My paws, scrabbling to gain purchase on the ground to enable me to get a better hold, simply gave way under me, as though the nerve cells no longer carried the messages from my brain to the muscles.

Wyrdwolf

many pagans may be surprised to discover that this specific concept of the horned god appears to be a little more recent than many might think, as it derives from the writings of Margaret Murray, in the 1920s.

Who Is Cernunnos

I turned on him, snarling. He hissed back at me. Green eyes to my amber he spat his annoyance and I drew my lips back all the way. I felt my teeth change, the canines growing. This close to total full moon it meant I’d have them now until after the hunt. Oh, absolutely marvellous. The night was getting better by the minute.

Wyrdwolf

Once upon a time there was a coven.
It started life in 1452.
But the family history of each separate member
Went further back as these traditions do.

These are the days, my friend,
Let’s make them never end.
We’ll tell our tales, to crowds of envious fools.
We’ll give them total rot:
We’ll lie an awful lot,
For we can’t lose, we know that we can’t lose.

Traditional Witchcraft

After Vortigern's death, Merlin assists Pendragon, who is now the British king, and his brother Uther in their struggles against the invading Saxons. Just as Merlin has foreseen, a great battle is fought near Salisbury in which Pendragon meets his death. Uther then ascends the throne and adopts the name "Utherpendragon" to honour his brother, and Merlin erects the great stone ring (Stonehenge) on Salisbury Plain as a memorial to the fallen Britons.

Merlin in France

When she spoke, the syllables on the paper took on a guttural life. A flame sparked in the inner circle within the pentagram and flared into something fierce. In the fire was the silhouette of a man, wavering in the heat haze. The light caught us all, except the ghost, whose form reflected nothing.

Under The Skin

It was all bizarrely like something out of a 1970s Hammer horror movie. Did Andrew completely lack any style or was this the sort of thing most magicians actually went in for? There were red and black hangings around the altar, large black and red candles in places, and various symbols drawn on the flagstones and around the altar.

Bloodline

I'm a Heathen by conviction
All things German I've a fix on
But my wife's a proper vixen
So I worship Thor.

Ode to Thor

The wight chose to take a fairly common form similar to a small bogle: a human shape with a pot belly, oversized head, hands and feet, and stick-like arms and legs. A downy fur covered his body. I wasn’t falling for it. All that meant was that he felt friendly towards us, or at least neutral. If we pissed him off he’d take another shape if it suited him. Some of them could be huge and very unpleasant.

Luck & Judgement

In ancient times in Ironwood cold, two ettins and their dam
Ran free in wood and snow and ice, far from the gaze of man.
And one had hair as pale as stars, and one was red as fire;
And both ran wild beneath the moon, beside their shaggy sire.
Oh rose-red maid, Oh snow white maid; they ran beside their sire.

Tyr's Bride