New Age Pagans
Can be sung to the tune of "Little Boxes"/"Ticky Tacky".
New Age pagans, New Age pagans, they love items made of ticky tacky :
All crushed velvet; little crystals; things of wood and things of bone.
They love candles, they love costumes, they love silver, they love cutlery.
And they buy them all at conferences and they take them all back home.
And they put them on their altars, and they hang them in their wardrobes,
And they bring them out at summer camps where they wear them all again.
And they're itching for a ritual to display their latest plaything;
And they want to look experienced but instead they look insane.
See the Heathen in IKEA furs with his tattoos and a five-foot axe
And he says we're to call him Ragnar though his given name's Horatio.
And he bought a mighty drinking horn, which he filled up to the brim with mead
And the first time that he drank from it he was soaked from top to toe.
[chorus] New Age pagans, New Age pagans, they love items made of ticky tacky …
See the ovate in her tabard, which she cut from her mother's tablecloth.
She has a notebook of handmade paper for the poetry that she can't write.
And she wants to use her sickle so she's out hunting for the mistletoe;
But not knowing how it's growing I think her chances are very slight.
[chorus] New Age pagans, New Age pagans, they love items made of ticky tacky …
See the Gothling in her jewellery, which she got last month at Glastonbury
And she's dying to go to Witchfest 'cause she wants an athame.
But her daddy will not let her, and her spells can't seem to alter that
And he tells all of her coven mates that she can't come out to play.
[chorus] New Age pagans, New Age pagans, they love items made of ticky tacky …
See the shaman with his smudge sticks which just bring on a heavy wheezing fit;
And he can't recall any native chants, though he owns every tape on sale.
He built a sweat lodge in his garden where he smokes all his dodgy cigarettes.
In the absence of a spirit guide, there's a bottle of light ale.
[chorus] New Age pagans, New Age pagans, they love items made of ticky tacky …
All crushed velvet; little crystals; things of wood and things of bone.
They love candles, they love costumes, they love silver, they love cutlery.
And they buy them all at conferences and they take them all back home.
And they put them on their altars, and they hang them in their wardrobes,
And they bring them out at summer camps where they wear them all again.
And they're itching for a ritual to display their latest plaything;
And they want to look experienced but instead they look insane.
See the Heathen in IKEA furs with his tattoos and a five-foot axe
And he says we're to call him Ragnar though his given name's Horatio.
And he bought a mighty drinking horn, which he filled up to the brim with mead
And the first time that he drank from it he was soaked from top to toe.
[chorus] New Age pagans, New Age pagans, they love items made of ticky tacky …
See the ovate in her tabard, which she cut from her mother's tablecloth.
She has a notebook of handmade paper for the poetry that she can't write.
And she wants to use her sickle so she's out hunting for the mistletoe;
But not knowing how it's growing I think her chances are very slight.
[chorus] New Age pagans, New Age pagans, they love items made of ticky tacky …
See the Gothling in her jewellery, which she got last month at Glastonbury
And she's dying to go to Witchfest 'cause she wants an athame.
But her daddy will not let her, and her spells can't seem to alter that
And he tells all of her coven mates that she can't come out to play.
[chorus] New Age pagans, New Age pagans, they love items made of ticky tacky …
See the shaman with his smudge sticks which just bring on a heavy wheezing fit;
And he can't recall any native chants, though he owns every tape on sale.
He built a sweat lodge in his garden where he smokes all his dodgy cigarettes.
In the absence of a spirit guide, there's a bottle of light ale.
[chorus] New Age pagans, New Age pagans, they love items made of ticky tacky …
©Alexa Duir 2003
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